In a Situationship??

Recently, while shopping at the Lenox Square Mall, in Atlanta GA, I bumped into my old college mate Kamene happily walking, hand in hand with her date. There was no doubt in my mind that her date was her significant other, just going by how publicly affectionate and comfortable they seemed to be with each other.

This caught me by surprise because to the best of my recollection Kamene always played hard to get back in college. She was the last person l would have expected to look this smitten and seemingly enchanted by this man or any other man for that matter. You can then imagine just how eager I was to be introduced to her date. Shockingly, all she said sheepishly was, this is Polycap, and paused. Immediately, their body language changed and the handholding they shared ended like an electric shock had simultaneously hit their spine. Then with a straight up poker face look, Kamene went on to ask me how l was, and all those other niceties long-lost friends’ exchange.

“Situationship - A relationship that hasn't been defined; more than a friendship but not quite a relationship ”

Perplexed

As perplexed as I was by these two, I decided to just go with the flow, by maintaining the same poker face look. But truth be told, going by Polycap’s sudden change in demeanor, I felt awkward and embarrassed for them. Suddenly, Polycap said, he had an errand to run, and he will leave us girls to catch-up because we seem like we had a lot to catch up on. He told Kamene he would catch up with her later, gave her a hasty peck on the cheek and politely excused himself. As excited as l was to have bumped into Kamene, something inside me revolted about these dramatics.

Anyway, as soon as Polycap was out of sight, Kamene, said “Gal do we have a lot to catch up on” and grabbed my hand leading me to a nearby restaurant. Well long story short she shared that her and Polycap had been together for almost five years and had broken up thrice and gotten back together. Without being judgmental I asked her why all the “circus” between them. Kamene stated its “complicated, we have been in a situation-ship off and on.” It was the first time I had ever heard someone describe their relationship as a situationship. I had to quickly google this word on my phone; In essence a situationship is a romantic relationship that remains undefined. It lies between a committed relationship and something a bit more than a friendship. It allows the two individuals to have an unstructured relationship with no pressure to commit.

Now while situationships have their place and is wonderful if the consensus is mutual. It can become complicated when one partner begins to want more than the other, like Polycap obviously did. From what l knew of Kamene…Polycap may grow gray hairs waiting for her to commit. The one disadvantage of being in a situationship, is a deep sense of regret from spending your time, effort and even money only to learn the relationship was stagnant and never materialized to anything meaningful. Should one wonder whether they are in a situationship like Kamene and Polycap here is what some relationship experts such as Abby Metcalf PhD and Susan Winter reveals: a) Things are very ambiguous and there has never been talks about the future or what is next for the two of you. b) The conversations you share lack depth and are very superficial, consisting of romantic innuendoes and little else. c) There are little to no plans made in advance and any attempts are met with resistance or ambiguous responses, d) No one else knows about your relationship but your partner.

To avoid having many sleepless nights and undue stress it is very important to understand your dating preference before you start dating. Get in sync with each other and understand whether a situationship is what is most suitable for both of you. Speaking truthfully about what you both are seeking can enable the relationship grow to something beautiful and amicable. Kamene and Polycap obviously liked each other but were not in sync with each other’s needs. Polycap would easily have been harboring resentment and anger towards Kamene yet his love and hopes blinded him. Kamene’s fear of commitment and desire to be a free spirit may have made her shortsighted of Polycap’s wishes and continued dangling the carrot with no intention of giving more. Relationship experts advise that situationships are at best short term, as couples figure things out, anything prolonged maybe harmful. Nonetheless, because of the many complexities of life, uncertainties, careers, and family dynamics surveys reveal that more couples are starting off with situationship relations as they figure themselves out. But remember this is not for everyone. Know thyself and be intentional in your choices and if you are unhappy about it change it.

That said, lets shift gears to another type of relationship that’s very important in your life. And that’s your relationship with money. Candidly, how would you rate your relationship with money? Is it a situationship aka complicated, non-existent, or committed? Personally, if l could rate myself, I would say, l have a much better relationship with my finances now than I did 5-10 years ago. I am proud to share that I keep more than I spend, I have reduced my credit cards, follow a budget and I am less frustrated. While investing is in my DNA, l wasn’t as purposeful in it, not forgetting that I invested once in a business venture with little knowledge in it, hence got burnt.

If money were a person, how would you describe your relationship?

Financial experts such as Esther Kamunya, of Eau Claire Partners in Canada state some signs of unhealthy money relationships includes:

• Purchasing a lot of things you don’t need like shoes and clothes. These types of purchases are a red flag, especially shoes. [There was a case of someone who had spent $40,000 on shoes but doesn’t have a place to live? Is this you?]

• People sometimes think that not knowing about their money is somehow better than knowing what’s going on and what needs to be done. Unfortunately, it only adds to your anxiety and stress.

• You are clueless to how much money you have in your checking and savings accounts, and what you owe on your loans and credit accounts.

• You are knee deep in debt and don’t even know how to get out of it.

• You are perpetually borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and never seem to know where your money goes.

To book an appointment with Esther click here

Personal lessons learnt if you are flippant with your finances the outcome will always be flippant. You must feed what you want to grow. To experience change and steer your ship in a more favorable direction, you need to hit the reset button as I did. Then start by employing strategies that will continuously offer you desirable outcomes. Develop a healthy relationship with your finances, understand your attitude towards money, network with financial gurus, upgrade your financial literacy, automate your savings to help you save more, enroll in investment classes and lastly don’t be afraid to consult with a trusted financial consultant to help or guide you in creating a financial roadmap.

Bottom line lessons learnt any relationship you enter, be it with a partner, business or finances comes at a price and you will be rewarded accordingly if you put effort, dedication, time, passion, and commitment in it. Conversely, anything that is starved of love, commitment, time, effort and/or any other necessary ingredient will eventually wither away or fail. For instance, if you engage in trading the stocks or options without full understanding of how they work, the risk of failure is very eminent. PeteandPete Investors is here for you, to support you throughout your investment journey, enroll now and horn your trading skills and say goodbye to situationships with your investments for good!

By Cyd Nzyoka, PhD

Cyd is an independent researcher, writer & HR consultant. She’s versatile, passionate about investing, taxes, teaching at the tertiary level, corporate training and dissertation coaching. She’s involved in writing on multicultural education, social justice and careers among other topics. You may read her works under IGI Global Publications. Cyd is a graduate of Capella University - School of business and technology. Email thoughts and comments to Cydnz@yahoo.com

Disclaimer

This blog is written for educational and informational purposes only. By no means do any of its contents recommend, advocate or urge the buying, selling or holding of any financial instrument whatsoever. Trading and investing involves high levels of risk. The author expresses personal opinions and will not assume any responsibility whatsoever for the actions of the reader. They author may or may or may not have positions in Financial Instruments discussed in this blog. Future results can be dramatically different from the opinions expressed therein. Past performance does not guarantee future results. Reprints allowed for private reading only, for all else, please obtain permission.